Have you finally orgasmed yet?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
