So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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