Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
