the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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