Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
