woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
