its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
