get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
