Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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