Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Welp...herpes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
