New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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