"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
