dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
