It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
These tits shall not be calmed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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