So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
