i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
