at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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