I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
