It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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