Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still dying that you shit outside
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
