So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
