A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
