In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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