Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
