I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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