I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
