took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
