he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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