I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
