hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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