can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
