Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
