you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
