i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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