I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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