I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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