my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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