nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
