Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
