i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
