How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
