God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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