On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
