i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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