just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i think my cat just said my name.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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