there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
