Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
