By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found the puke drawer
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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