I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
