I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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