i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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