I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
