Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize