I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I touched a dick in church today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
