then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
