It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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