So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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