I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
