If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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