the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All the doctor said was why
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
