I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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