she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
