i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
