Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
