When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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