; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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