the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
