im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
