New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
