His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
