Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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