no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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