I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Damn victory sex feels great
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
