I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
