my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
