I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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